Artbabygod and Sex in the Garden

In this place where the light of the known does not reach we discover the threshold marking the existence of the dark alongside the light, the duality of our nature and the origin of vision and the birthplace of maps.

Everything created by humans which manifests in the world of outer reality began its existence in the inner light of this dark unknown.  Everything that exists in reality was once only imagined.  Everything - no matter how large or powerful began in the imagination.

To believe that outer reality is more valuable or more powerful than the imagination is to misunderstand the relationship of the fruit to the seed.  The process by which the fruit grows is invisible to outer vision, but the seed is always the origin of the fruit. 

The fruit is the literal truth of outer reality but the seed is the non-literal truth which when separated from the fruit still contains the fruit as possibility.  The fruit separate from its seed is the literal truth and becomes product.

As a child who becomes separated from its caregiver will eventually die or be consumed as food - so the apple without the gardener will die or be consumed as food.  The fruit valued for its literal truth only will die or be consumed as product.  To value the literal truth over the non-literal truth is called materialism.  When materialism becomes a collective truth it manifests as a paradigm or a map and the literal truth of product becomes separated from the non-literal truth of the creative seed reality.  Quantity then becomes the only value.

To understand the relationship of the fruit to the seed a different kind of map is necessary.  One which represents/marks the dark of the earth where the seed must be buried and the seasons which while being distinct from each other do not end except to begin again.  A map which represents the paradigm of the circle where the end of literal truth marks the beginning of non-literal truth - the end of the light of the visible marks the beginning of a descent into the dark of the invisible.  A map which includes the paradoxical truth of opposites which are not in opposition to each other.  A map where the one is not separate from the other - rather the mark of the directional diversity of the nature of the circular whole.

The loss of outer power brings us to the threshold where we are challenged to become explorers and journey inwards.  To remain at the threshold valuing outer power only is to believe in separation, death and darkness as a reality, a destination, rather than a threshold marking the existence of totality.

To turn from valuing outer reality only towards inner reality’s invitation to explore marks our awareness that the source of light is also the source of dark.  The reality of this dual nature challenges us to grow an awareness spacious enough to include the whole.

No amount of outer power can protect us from the reality of this dual nature which marks the source of both life and death. 

Falling off of the edge of a map marks the end of expedient travel and the beginning of the awareness of the journey.  When we travel we use maps to measure the quantity of travel.  When we explore we become aware of the quality of the journey.

To discover a need to develop an ability to measure the quality of our journey is to move our awareness from the outer reality represented by maps to the unmapped inner reality.  As a map is a symbol of an imagined whole it provides collective knowledge which lights our journey with the strength of a collective vision.  When we turn our focus from the light of the collective known represented by the map we face inside of ourselves where the darkness of the unknown greets us and invites us to become explorers.

In this dark dwell our individual and collective fears therefore the invitation to explore is often avoided.  It is here where we discover the limits of the great light and protection represented by the map.

It is the experience of being lost which marks the limits of our map as we reach a place which is unrepresented/unmarked.  Being lost/without a map brings us face to face with our first discovery - our fears.  Our fears mark the everpresent gate which separates unexplored regions from mapped regions and the limits of the great power and protection afforded by maps.

To be outside of this protection is a place few of us consciously choose but it is this place outside the map’s protection that provides us with the awareness that the map’s protection does not extend to those who travel to unmarked places. 

This marks a second discovery.  Maps are designed to protect the travellers who move along the marked routes to and from the marked destinations.  Those same maps offer no such protection to those who become lost.

To move through the portal/gate of fear is the activity that distinguishes the traveller who has become lost from the explorer.  The traveller who has become lost is focused upon fear and seeks fervently the continued protection of the map -while the explorer focuses upon becoming aquainted with fear, aware that maps cannot afford protection to explorers.  An awareness that the protection provided by the map is a cost that the explorer cannot afford - as protection from fear is a luxury only the traveller can afford.

So many people have responded to my description of my “magnificent failure” with the statement that my goals were unrealistic.  In many ways I see the past couple of years as my own private social experiment.  When I move contrary to accepted realistic goals, I become aware of the attitudes and beliefs of the culture that surrounds me.  Again and again I have realized that many people do not understand the concept of the dream.

To follow a dream is to pursue a direction dictated by the dream.  When pursuing a dream, being realistic is secondary.

So much of this past few years has been about practising the courage that allows me to act while facing my most powerful fears.  And I suppose that this is the true nature of the dream - a vision that so imspires one that it irradiates the space where it grows.  Our dreams are the seeds of the possible which we as gardeners are challenged to nurture with the elements of our short material existence.

Our suffering and our failures and our crippled humanity can be seen as filth and waste that through awareness and forgiveness (of ourselves and others) we can process and break down until with time and patience and faith they transform into rich and valuable compost that supports the earthgarden of our lives allowing us to grow the seeds within us.  Seeds represent our potential selves, the glorious beings that we have the opportunity, through laborious work, faith and the wisdom encoded in the garden to grow ourselves into becoming.

For 8 years I lived in a world surrounded by people possessing fabulous wealth.  My illusions about the value of money/security were shattered.  I became aware of how the lure of money, power and security can cripple one’s soul.  The materialism that dominated my world view was threatening to destroy my soul.  I came to know this not through some romantic quasi-religious dogmatic idealism but through actual life experience - as my own truth.  I discovered “that people are frantically engaged in attempting to get hold of things which by universal experience are hideously disappointing to those who have obtained possession of them” - Arnold Bennett

And that is perhaps the best way I can describe my experience as a creative.  Art is for me a practice that allows me to subvert the materialism which anchors me in the belief that material security is a primary goal in life. 

The only real art is the art of life.  I practice art as paradigm.  Art as paradigm empowers me to focus on that which I love.  Focusing on that which I love empowers me to act in the face of my fears.  Acting in the face of my fears empowers me to grow my connection to the inner source of all authentic power which exists with me awaiting the light of my awareness.

This is of course, the subject of my book and the theme of my first and second show, Eyes, Lies and Butterflies and Sex in the Garden and Channeling John Lennon.  They are all of a piece and after all these years of exploration I am realizing that what I am really doing with my art whether it is visual, written or spoken word is exploring this theme as it relates to my work and to my life.  I often feel that I am simply excavating some existing large creation which lies buried within me and all of the pieces which seemed to me in my 30’s and 40’s to be so disparate and unrelated are now appearing as signs of the wholeness of a pre-existing design.  A design that introduces me to the paradigm of the art of wholeness. 

Maps represent the vision of an imagined whole.  The whole is imagined through the collected recorded experiences of explorers and travellers.  The presence of highways indicates popular routes of travel.

There is an important distinction between the activity of the explorer and the activity of the traveller.  For an explorer a map represents unexplored areas while for a traveller a map represents the expedient routes by which one reaches a destination. 

Maps are dependent upon explorers for their creation.  Travellers are dependent upon maps.  At times we are travellers and other times we are explorers.  The awareness of moving from the activity of the traveller to the activity of the explorer is marked by the awareness of being lost.  Falling through a hole, or off of the edge of a map marks the end of expedient travel and the beginning of the awareness of the journey itself.  When we travel we use maps to measure the quantity and speed of travel.  When we explore we become aware of the quality of the journey.

I think there are two kinds of people, the kind with maps and the kind without.  You can usually tell which one is which.  The ones with the maps know a lot and the ones without them don’t. 

I think life is a lot easier when you have one (not easy, but easier).  First of all you look a lot better when you have got one because you know where you are going and you can move a lot faster because you always have a destination point and some idea of how long it will take you to get there.  Most importantly you never feel alone, because you travel upon well-known roads.
As long as I used the map that I inherited I knew exactly where I was going, until one day I found myself in a place that was not on the map and realized I was lost.  After spending a lot of time living in the fear of being lost I began to realize that maybe fear was not my only choice.  I decided that if I could call myself an explorer,  I could focus upon developing the courage of the explorer even while experiencing the fear of being lost.

This could be the real difference between those with maps and those without them.  The ones without them are free to get lost. 

And artists, who are often closer to children and the feeble minded than to the grown-up.

I think it is to do with where your consciousness locates itself.  Hitting bottom definitely got my consciousness out of my head (as that was the area that was controlled (patrolled) by the energy that wanted me dead).    I became aware that my head was not a safe place and my sanity depended upon not spending too much time there.

Its like getting out of the city.  Or discovering that the space in which you spent all of your time was actually only a very small defined area located within a really large house (or province).  At first you are motivated only by the awareness that the space where you’ve been holed up is no longer livable.  But slowly as you become more familiar with the outlying areas you realize that something is really wrong with the place you have been living.  But you’ve got to get out first in order to get some kind of distance.

And getting out is not enough because no matter how many times you get out you always manage to find a way to get yourself back in - only now you recognize where you are and know you can’t stay there anymore.  But since you have invested so deeply and heavily in that space that your resources are completely tied up you are forced to try to understand how this tiny little space became your whole ugly polluted little world.

You begin to realize that its because you were trained to see only outside of yourself…to believe that what was outside of yourself was real.  You start being aware of how your valuing (seeing) only the outside spaces came from your belief that inside space had no value.

So you become aware of how if your thoughts build they become a vehicle that transports you to the place you are so familiar with, so you figure that with different thoughts you should be able to build a different vehicle.  But you have no knowledge of where you want to go.  Your motivation is your awareness of where you can no longer afford to be.  You need a map, but using other people’s maps is what got you into the mess you are in.  So you decide you have got to make your own.

Now this truly is re-inventing the wheel as there is every possible kind of map out there with new ones being popularized every day.  You know its not really possible to make your own map and most of all the maps ever made are just collage, anyway.

So the consistently miraculous is not easy to describe but I will dare to try. It is a term to describe a reality that dominates my art, my life and my health.  It is not logical.

The latest manifestation of this reality is this website.  If there were a logical sequence of events to explain the existence of this website it would probably go something like this.

I decide I need a website; I find out how much the website I need costs; I find ways to create and market salable images until I have the financial wherewithal to contract with a website designer; I hire a photographer to take photos of my work and on and on. 

I would be in control every step of the way. 

The reality of how this website came into being goes something like this.  A couple of the many people who visited my studio during the Wave Artists Studio Tour asked me if I had thought of creating a website to showcase my work.  I told them that I wanted a website but I was not financially able to commit to its creation at this time.  They took a few photographs and left.

Two days later I received a phonecall at 9:00a.m. from George Siamandas telling me that my website was a reality.

Its not easy for me to talk about this without being flooded with an enormous sense of gratitude and George Siamandas (in my mind) morphs into St. George, Slayer (of dragons) and Master of sticky tech labrynths.

I have recovered from the first stages of shock and realized that George is not just a saint, a slayer and a master but also a regular guy who like Superman spends most of his time in civilian clothes pretending to be a quiet reserved sort of person.

But the connection that has resulted in the reality of this website, a beautiful modern conveyance which has the capacity and the power to transport my work anywhere is a miracle.  Just like looking in your driveway which has been empty since they towed your old beater away and seeing a brand new vehicle, spanky shiny and new.

I’ve always been told that this kind of thing occurs only in fairy tales and that growing up means you believe in probabilities, leaving possibilities to children and the feeble minded.